Hipster, what?

What the heck is a "hipster" anyway? Normally I wouldn't care in the least about some new kiddie trend. The thing is that this particular trend, or whatever it is, has become personal.


Ever since I was physically able to grow more than peach fuzz for facial hair, I have grown a beard in the fall. It’s like a right of passage or something. Who wouldn't want to grow their own natural scarf to battle the cold? This has never been an issue for me, and my wife even pretends that I don't look like an unkept homeless man. Everything has been swell for my burly lumberjack look and me... Then it happened. To be clearer "hipster" happened.


I had heard about these flannel-loving, coffee connoisseurs that were into craft beer and bikes. I never would have said that I identified with them. Then this year someone, I don’t want to name names, (Sonja, Terka and Bobo) went and did it. They called me a hipster. At first, I just brushed it off, but with their persistence I was led to the all-powerful "internet tubes" in search of some clarity.


I found that a hipster is basically someone that tries to stay away from the mainstream, lives in the "retro" and here’s the catch… they will never admit that they are a hipster. These people tend to dress in flannel, drink high-end coffee, and ride fixed gear bikes, all while sporting the telltale mustache or beard, accented with dark rimmed glasses.  This wasn’t looking good for me.


This newly acquired information brought on some serious self-reflection. Do I enjoy good beer? Check. Drink good coffee in various methods? Check. Am I into bikes? I own a few. (Five to be exact, and they all have girl's names) Flannel? Beard? Oh no. Could I really have accidentally become one of these hipster folk?


After some careful reflection, I came up with another explanation. I realized that maybe I am just so out of style that I fell back into style. The style of my past simply came, went, and came back. It’s like those hideous florescent, glows-in- the- dark Nike shoes from the 90's. They have somehow made their way back from the dead. You know the ones.  At least with these shoes on your feet, you never have to worry about getting lost.


Like these ugly shoes that should have never ventured back into the present, my blue, flannel Patagonia shirt from 2005 is now cool again.  Growing a beard means more than just being a dude, and Good beer is a trend.


Who really knows where the truth lies in my new- found identity crisis? One thing that I can promise you though... You won’t be getting a "hipster confession" outta me any time soon! 


by Matt Haarman

Year 2, Issue 1